long vacation

when it's this good,
there's no saying no i want you so,
i'm ready to go..
take care,
buibui~~

hening

Andaikan Kau Masih Ada

Berdiri Mendampingiku

Ku Ingin Kau Pun Tahu

Betapa Ku Menyayangimu

Andai Kan Ku Sanggup Untuk

Memutar Kembali Waktu

Tak Pernah Sekejap Pun

Ku Alihkan Engkau Dari Perhatianku

Selama Hidupku

Hanyalah Dirimu

Yang Sanggup

Menyinggahi Ruang Ruang Hidupku

p/s: post lirik neh lg hee..suka~~ :]

today is beautiful

mengantuk...
mengantuk...
mengantuk~~

mrning!!!!!
rasa macam tak nak bangun dari katil je arini neh...
nak tidur puas-puas...
macam best je hari ni kan...hahahaha ntah
tak tahu nape nak rasa macam tu,
just rasa hari ni akan berjalan dengan baik.

baik ke???
tak tahu la...
nak start dari mana ah???

malasnya nak bangun awal2...
harimau kt uma da bising2 wahaha~~(sori ma huk2 :D)
tapi de banyak keje nak di buat...
tapi kena bangun gak coz banyak lagi kerja nak buat..
hari ni try pack barang fuh fuh besemangat2..awai nye hee..

sampai ke tengahari,
pergi kedai 2 kali sebab saya lupa nak beli apa hehehe...
jangan lah kena amnesia...
i'm still young...
asyik lupa je kebelakangan ni...

rumah sewa sebelah dah ada orang duduk..
aiye..pas ni tak leh wat sesuka hati,
tak leh buang sampah merata-rata hoho~~
tak leh menjerit-jerit...
tak leh karok kuat2..
tak leh nari2...
tak leh intai2 hahaha... :D

kerana kelakuan anda sedang diperhatikan...
hahaha just kidding..
i need privacy...
but still ok..

no meeting friends today...
all so busy with working and lessons ..
i was so busy looking for my stuff preparing for my big day hee~~
malasnya nak singgah blog sendiri...
malas nak menaip.. 2 3 hari ini,
tak habis-habis mencari sesuatu yang boleh dibaca..
sibuk mencari sesuatu yang baru dalam hidup...
sendiri tak tahu apa yang cari..

kadangkala ingin mendengar muzik..
yang mampu menarik keinginan untuk menari,
kadangkala mahu mendengar satu lagu sedih,
yang mampu buat diri sendiri yg tengah nyanyi :p

oh god... i'm late to watch my favourite drama..
thats ncis...i should stop on9 now...

lie for a reason

you know there's not really much anyone can say...
i've heard all the typical things you would say to someone-

"it gets better",
"give it time",
"you deserve better" etc...

to be honest nothing helps...
even if it's happened to you,
we can't compare ourselves...
love between two people is different,

so heart break between two people is different...
how it feels to you is different...

it's been some time and my wound still feels fresh,
it still feels like i have a gaping hole in my chest...
i still think about that everyday, every minute, every second....
and the scary thing is i actually believe that i will never get over her...

her is and will always will be my part,
the one i fell so hard for i lost myself in the process...
and rotated my life around her..

but what i remember the most was the feeling,
that she was different than anyone i'd met before...
for awhile after that night we talked, got to know each other,

became more than friends,
but being young and so naive our 'relationship' wasn't real...
the next time we talked to each other would be at a friends party and from then on,

she was about to be everything to me...

i fell in love with her...
i didn't even know what love was but i think i figured it out,
that feeling took me awhile to name but i felt it...

we shared everything,
we shared the best parts of our teenage years,
and now being forced into adulthood we've changed...

she said he needs to figure out who she is and i'm stopping her.
i've blamed myself,
i still do...
i'm full of so much regret and guilt and it never goes away...
i still there,
we talk and im not going to lie and say we haven't had those nights before...

the sad thing is i still
remember her far away~~

although i know you're supposed to distance yourself to try to move on,
i can't..
i'm holding on to her with everything i have...
you can call me naive and too young but to me love doesn't have an age restriction...

p/s: ..............................

crime

p/s: atoi! kering bulan neh mahai toi buku law, tebal2 lagi berat belaka leh wat bantal tido jua~ :/'

last day of the week

eh lupa plak nak wish morning.....
morning, annyeong haseyo, zhao an... selamat pagi...
cepatnya masa berlalu..
rasa macam baru semalam melalui hari jumaat..
cepatnya masa berlalu, dah kembali kepada hari sabtu semula...

tak sangka kitaran untuk satu minggu begitu cepat..
masak dan buat kerjarumah secepat yang mungkin..
tak tahu nak kejar apa..harus prepare awal2..]
isnin harus ke mahkamah terus..
harap semua keja siap dalam sato hari ;]
tapi bila cepat siap, cepat lah relax...hehe bosan..

tak tahu nak buat apa..neves2 dup dup..ngee~~
.. internet buat giler!!! hari jumaat hari yang busy ke???
emmmmmm.............sakit hati...
tapi kembali normal untuk seketika lepas tu..
tengahari yang sekejap panas terik, sekejap mendung..
sekejap hujan renyai..
hanya obses mencari maklumat untuk assignment sampai lupa segala-galanya...hahaha
pukul 2.. comelnya alya...
muka dia bersih and putih... comel sangat..
tak habis-habis gelak dengan karenah dengan paksu dia becerita pasal alya... :]
boleh giler...,
pernah ketawa sampai hilang suara...hahaha lupa la...tentang apa..

...petang ni.. before nak p beli barang-barang,
karaoke dengan adik kat rumah..
abis sume lagu big bang..hipop & westlife belasah...hahaha
lagu samsons bez pe hoho....(semua org diam sepi2 hahaha ciss..)
gelak macam orang giler bila salah pitch.. salah lirik... tak boleh tahan...
tapi enjoy sangat...

hari ni ada macam2 perasaan.. gembira, sedih, geram... semua la..
nak citer ke??
tak payah la...hahaha
gembira sebab macam selalu, ada benda baru yang mengujakan...
ada perkara baru yang tahu..
ada music yang dengar...
sedih bila mengimbau cerita dengan satu melodi yang masih melekat di telinga..
wow hoho...
tak mahu tenggelam dalam kesedihan
tapi tak sanggup nak lepaskan sebuah lagu yang selalu mencuri perhatian hati..hikikiki :D
tak jemu, setiap kali pun mahu terus mendengar...

geram... aiya.. tak dapat tengok cerita kegemaran... hujan dah... nanti tv kena sambar petir..hehehe

dah lama kuarkan tension giler2 macam hari ni... ... tak boleh tidur... cepat-cepat tidur walaupun tak boleh tidur bila sekeliling sunyi sepi.. semua orang tidur awal...gud nite!!!!!

kredit pic: noki

itamputeh II

p/s: skitomylou-spend time idly, loiter as in every afternoon they could be found hanging around the mall~~

lovely smile ♥

p/s: such a lovely evening with bro & alya :]

agent gibbs

hari ni berlalu dengan sempurna,
dan kadangkala membuat rasa nak pukul orang ngee~
entah dari mana nak start,
entah suka atau tidak hari ni ada dalam hidup neh..
ada perkara yang buat teruja,
ada perkara ang buat rasa sedih dan geram..
semuanya berjalan dengan baik mengikut landasan yang telah diteapkan
tapi dengan perasaan yang berbeza..

brilliant legacy hari ni ulangan, hahaha eun sung makin comel lak..
die dah jadi baik sikit. masa eun sung kena pindah woo hwan bengal..

ncis, malam ni punya citer..
hee, tak suke r dgn si micheal, hodoh gler..
tak suke yang ada jambang2 hee..
dinozo jeles, mse ending dinozzo tembak micheal,
pe jd minggu dpn...?
dionozzo kena tangkap ke? aiye.....
time for sleep petang hoho :D

end of the road

imagine you'll appear out of nowhere...
i'll be sitting on a bus full of all my friends...
i imagine you will walk towards me...
and look at me with regret in your eyes...

i imagine i'll be surprised in the expected kind of way,
look back at you and shake my head because i'm tired...

tired of everything,
but mostly tired of being without you...
i imagine you'll simply say three sentences: I am sorry.
i can't live without you..

sewing time

p/s: spend less time scrolling and more time sewing~~

24/7

this is a kind of story....
and it’s not...
we met at north,
i had been with the activities im joined...

the first time i saw her with her friends,
i was startled...
she presence evoked a visceral reaction from me,
i felt like all the breath had been knocked out of me..
and the small voice of my heart said, “oh”...
she scared me,
i had spent the last years of my life shying away from trouble...
and any possibility of having a serious relationship to pour everything..
i had into my career...

i recognized immediately here was someone that could disrupt all that...
we spent the next days circling one another, having very little direct contact...
we never spoke directly and despite my being an extremely friendly,

i never reached out to her...
she made me uncomfortable,
and i didn’t like it.

soon,
we had our little bit citcat...
and after several hours,
i found myself standing next to her...
having had more than my share of smile and laughter,
i started a conversation with her...

we sat down and for the next few hours,
spoke only to one another ignoring the activities around us...
we talked of love, and how her wasn’t in it...
we spoke of our careers and our passion for creativity and beauty...

she complimented me,
i knew somehow that life had just changed...
an awkward fear came over me and i excused myself to leave...
she told me that she had waited her entire life...
to feel about someone the way she did about me...
that she had loved me from the first moment that she saw me..
and had avoided me because of her situation...

that what she felt for me was epic....
i said that we were lucky,
that we were met to have found one another...
because how many people in their lives get to live out their fairy tales?
i believed we were meant to be together cewah~~

but things didn’t last...
they were awkward...
her thought i was perfect when i’m not...
i had many things going on my life...
she had difficult things happening in her..
i acted out as he withdrew...
and after a couple particularly bad scenes i was at fault for, it was over...

i wanted to explain and explain until im tired so badly..
but she walked away too quickly for me to catch up...
her didn’t want to see me...
or talk to me...
she couldn’t...
i wrote, text a massage, drawed to her and i gave her space,
but she cut me off...
all without ever talking to me face to face...

i finally told her that i couldn’t believe im ever believed her...
that she was wrong,
that i couldn’t believe after the things she said would walk away without at least talking...
i apologized,
i humbled myself,
i cared more about being right and wanted to prove that...
but she wouldn’t budge...

her told me she had disengaged..
and that...
i had disappointed her too much...
i was heartbroken...and
i hated myself..
i blamed myself..
i couldn’t forgive myself.so..
i tried,
i fought,
i begged,
i pleaded and meanwhile,
i hurt myself because..
i didn’t know what else to do...

i could not bear my day to day...
i was desperate to crawl outside my own skin...
i felt like i was suffocating...
i had lost myself..in my desire for her, in my hatred for myself...
i couldn’t feel who i was at all anymore...
i went away to an island paradise for the holidays by myself..

all i could do was sorrow and sleep...
but then slowly,
i began to heal.
i surfed in the early mornings,
i can't forgive myself,

and remembered that i did need she to be happy..
that i deserved more than what she had offered,
and that life would always move forward..
i remembered how to breathe again...
and when i came back from my pride, i decided to change my life.
for me...
for the things that i wanted.

i crafted a five month plan that involved my current job and leaving the city..
i lived in to focus on career and my peace of mind...
i started putting things in motion, and the minute i did..
i was angry,
i was sad,
i tried to be understanding and gracious,
but she wouldn’t budge and slowly i realized,

that none of this mattered anymore...
because i knew that this would happen...
because the first time she told me things i believed, i was wrong.
could i really be surprised that this happened again..

how many more times would i believe
what i wanted to believe instead of believing..
what was real and right in front of me..
when would i stop compromising what i deserved for what i wanted...
when would i realize that being right, didn’t matter if the other person didn’t care..

if you love someone,
you stay by them...
there is no such things as a wrong time or a mistake that is too great...
love is just love...
any excuse to walk away from love offered is just that:
an excuse to explain you can’t and don’t feel the same way back towards the person that’s offering their love to you.

so this time,
i’ll let her walk away..

and this time, i’m walking away for good..
and this time, i’m truly looking towards the future and accepting that this chapter of my life,
whatever it was, is over...

i want to welcome what’s to come with a completely light..
and open heart because now i realize i’m finally letting go of what’s false in my life
to let in what will be true...

i finally realize that the most important person i could ever love, is myself..
and part of loving myself is recognizing...
that i deserve someone who doesn’t just say that they love me,
but actually really does.
and to give that person the chance,

i’ll weed out those who would fake it.
because we choose the lives we live and i choose truth and joy.
i choose love.
i guess this is a love story.
just a different kind of love.

p/s : can't believe still wroted this...terbiasa barangkali fuuu..
special moments and unforgettable times~~ :]