Tuesday

dear

it’s been almost...
since her dropped the bomb on me...
the thing is,
it wasn’t even really a mess up to the blog..
at least not to longger...
don’t have to actually have a relationship to be mess up with..
for the most part i had a wonderful day with her i cant' forget..

despite her strange,
withdrawn behavior for most of it after the first meet..
yet, her told me he had just started cried, and it wasn’t serious,
and the reason her acted how her did wasn’t anything i had done...

frankly,
i wasn’t hearing all of it at that point...
i was in the closest thing to a state of shock i had been in my entire life...
to make a long story short,
after sending her an almost-too-long massage..
telling her i wish told..
her also proceeded to theorize this misunderstanding...
was based on our difference in age and experience....
we both said we were fine with being ok,

but after that..
when i was working abroad in kuching and her in peninsular...
i thought this would make getting meet her easier and quicker,
but the only thing it did was take away the ability to see what her was doing..
and who we was conversing with,
which was probably still beneficial for me...
one of the worst things you can do after a studied,

berate yourself for things you realize you could have done differently...
but this is precisely what i did...
i asked myself over and over,
“why weren’t you stronger?
truth be told,
i was that men at first.
i didn’t want to be the stereotypical person who thinks...
but her was the one who seemed to be coming on pretty strong
and acting like we were actually nothing at all..

but,
after it all ended and found out the truth,
i felt like such an idiot,
and a total outcast from the rest of society...
we seem to live in such a casual,
i don’t really understand the movement...
in the end,
i think the focus is more on the benefits than the future..
and to answer the question,
because when it all first happened,
my emotions were definitely in it...
and i gave her way more credit than i deserves..
i apologized for not having been more upfront that..
i thought we were headed towards a relationship,

however,
this not about me not being “strong” or “smart” enough...
think the fact that i cared about what her and i had,
and that i fell ...
is a sign of my gratitude...
it’s clearly more of a risk to let your heart get involved than to remain unattached,

but i rather be like that than close myself off..
and look at a person as only an object of lust..
i think in my situation..

p/s: seeking advice on swimming lessons~~ :]

2 comments:

fizah said...

Life holds no promises as to what will come your way.You must search for your own ideals
and work towards reaching them. Life makes no guarantees as to what you'll have. It just gives you time to make choices and to take chances and to discover whatever secrets might come your way.If you are willing to take the opportunities you are given and utilize the abilities you have, you will constantly fill your life with special moments and unforgettable times...(ambik dr sape tah) heeee...i xpandai bi wuuu~~

muSHANG said...

owh apakah neh...ngada2 kak ooo..
suka ayat neh..
special moments and unforgettable times :]

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