something to share

Our first looks at each other, our first conversation, our first touch. Our first text message andour first real talk. I will never forget. Never forget the feelings and how perfect everything was. We could be awake and talk about everything until the next morning, we could talk in the cellphone for hours without having any words left to say and we could lay down for a very long time and just stare into each others eyes without saying anything even less but too meaningful and thankful that i have you. It was love. Real love.

We became closer and closer and when i thought it couldn't be better you whispered the three most beautiful words in my ear. You whispered "I love you" with a tear in you eye and said that you never thought you could have this feelings for anyone. It was the best moment of my life at that night. I was in love. Terrible in love.

We talked about how our future would look like and that we are going to have a little kitten.. Then we laughed for hours about what we just said. We talked about everything and we laughed, cried and did things together. That was life. You were life. You were the best girlfriend ever and everything would have been meaningless if you weren't in my life. I would go to the moon, travel round the world and count all the stars. Just for you.

We were so equal you and me, but different at the same time. We had something that other people just could dream of. I know you still the best for me, I have no idea what gonna life without you in my life.I will never forget how you said I was smart when i looked the most terrible than ever. And I will never forget how special you made me feel.

You had boyfriends before but I was the only one you fell in love with and I was the only one you ever cared about.

Every time I got a text message from you my heart stopped and every time I saw you called me I got a smile on my lips. You were mine. Im so happy each message i receipt from you, I never told you before this because im arrogant that i really miss so much each day..

But things changed. I can't count the sleepless nights and how many tears that have fell down on my cheek. I can't count how many times my heart got in thousand pieces and when everything felt meaningless. I have been so loved by you, but you have hurt me so badly at the same time. I never thought we would come to this part in our relationship were we don't show any respect and neither can live with or without each other.

It is always difficult when you think about what you've been and how it is now. There are moments where you think these are difficulties and we should keep strong and then there are moments where you feel as if you had a good run in the relationship and that its just best to end things because people wont change unless they want to. I just hope things work out for the best.

But now we stand here and don't know what's right or wrong. The only thing I know is that I will always love you, no matter what...

p/s: found this email in my draf, its almost past 3 years....
i never told and send this email to her anything at all, i felt ridiculous . . .all that skipping about, just something to share,wow this is very interesting infermatone i lernd alot what is sharing is caring was... :]


i adore

i thought i have be used to the cold by now...
it's been so long....
probably feels the same way.....that's why she is the way she is...
but i only feel empty...

happiness, once within me...dies.

now, the empty space only allows the cold in....
deeper, deeper, way out.
almost as if temperature does not exist.

the cold rises...fuh~

i sleep, to dream of when she "loved me"
but i freeze...

eyes wide open. i'm still here...
i realize... again...
those memories are gone...
and as i'm frozen in time, i can't move on....

it plays its tricks. but i no longer fall for them.

i would let go.
fade. everything else.

the only thing that is stopping me is my heart.
it won't give in to the cold.


it still loves... even it takes many years...still adore~~

because our promises were to never stop loving each other...?
and while i kept mine...

...she never never never kept his...

worth living

hye bestest friend always emotional :p

communication is just really important to me....
although it's kind of hard, i kept trying and i sometimes worked but never for a long time...
its hard for me to commit it....

i just wanted... no, had to tell you how much you mean to me. i don't know what i would do without a great friend like you...
you are the number one best buddy i have ever had.....

without you my pathetic life would not be worth living....

i would climb the highest mountain, swim the deepest sea, walk across the hottest desert just to tell you how incredibly special your friendship is to me...

p/s: Kak Nad, everyday is a friendship day to me :]


once youre asleep..

i dont know are you really sleeping,,
or maybe you just close your eyes in front of me..

i dont know what are you thinking that time..
i try not to care about it..

you not talk a lot lately..
i try not to care about it..

i was waiting for you to speak..
but i tried not to care about it..

maybe youre tired..
thats what im thinking..

maybe youre sleepy..
thats what im thinking..


i cant wake you up and say good nite..
i wont wake you up when youre asleep..

i just wanna look at your face..
and see the beauty of love..

good nite..


never miss a flight again

I could have gone home early today but i didnt...

I didnt because the only thing i could think about was that i wanted to see you guys and settle what i leave before the only instance whereby i could conceive this happening....

where i might get a chance to see you....

was if you decided to take the bus and flight home and we would happen to cross paths. So i stood in front of the bus station tonight, waiting like some kind of fool. Fool because i didnt even know what i was waiting for hahaha....

For something to come down the escalator? To see you? Would we even speak? I didn't even know if you were in the city today.

I didnt know if you would even take the bus if by some chance you were in the city. For all i knew you could have been at home or anywhere else for that matter. So i stood like a prize idiot...

Not even knowing what i was waiting for.

Here is my confession...
I’m Weak. So for maybe a minute or an hour or for however long it takes before my pride take over once again...

i’m going to be okay with not being okay.
And i’m going to say that i miss you and i’m going to admit that i stood in front of a airport station for over an hour tonight just because all i wanted all day was a chance to make a different again....

p/s: bubui~~


dua sengget

setelah lama ngga masak2 dgn byk ahirnya siang bbuka ini mbikin lagi..
tapi rasanya kok beda yah entah kenapa bisa beda..

padalah perasaan bumbunya itu2 aja dan bahan2nya juga..
mungkin pada cara masaknya..
dan mungkin satulagi....

kuah kali ini pake ikan tapi bukan yang seperti dulu2..
kiub ayam lebh mudah suda.. :p

yang ini rasanya lebih lembut jadi gimana gitu..
padahal yang dulu2 malahan standar2 juga..
tapi ga tau deh kenapa bisa sepertinya beda..

mungkin pula gara2 udah lama ngga masak jadi aneh2an..

yah sudahlah..
dibikin seperti apa juga makan sendiri..

..mkn kenyang ya~~



sore ini dengan kurang enak berbelanja.. sudah seminggu lebih ngga belanja..
emang ngga enak soalnya belanja buat sendiri.. nanti kalo misalnya masak sendiri makan sendiri.. kayak orang sombong aja emangnya ngga ada orang laen..??? :p

dulu sih kalo malem2 cuman ada satu orang..
gampang menolak bila ditawari bikin nasi bareng2 ato makan bareng dia..
soalnya rumah orang itu deket.. jadi bisa dibilang jarang2 makan di uma teman apalagi bikin..
yah gimana yah..
pokonya kalo yang masak males masak2in orang laen.. kecuali kalo lagi pengen..
kebetulan pengennya itu jaranag2 banget..
payah deh..

nah sekarang ada seorang lagi nambah..
dia siang malem di sini seperti syer..
jadi ngga enak kalo masak sendiri makan sendiri..
gimana yah..ajak arif atow teman2 yg laen makan sama bebuka hehehe....
emang kurang enak masakan syer yah.. dan monoton begitu2 aja..
lagipula emang belanja buat sendiri..


ntar deh kalo itu orang2 di belakang maen bola udah beres baru kita molai masak2..
bikin sayur yang gampang2 aja deh.. liat aja nanti..



jadi mikir2..
mendingan seperti dulu aja taun lalu..
malem2 sendiri..
bebas2an mau ngapa2in juga kalo sendirian itu..
bahkan kalo pengen mandi sambil nongton tb bisa..
pokonya bebas sebebas2nya deh..
bisa juga lari2 jalan2 di rumah kalo emang niat..

tar deh liat lagi seperti apa..
yang pasti aku pikir masakan syer ngga enak.. makanya males kalo masak2 buat orang laen..
yha.. begitulah..

p/s: slamat bebuka~~



sambil nungguin bedug.. [kayak anak2 aja.. payah..hik2..]
ngga apa2.. emang ngga ada kerjaan.. ngantuk banget soalnya tadi pagi setelah saur ngga tidur lagi..
nah daripada molor2 mendingan ngegoblog aja..
sambil mikir2..
kmaren2 itu baca sebuah tulisan tentang berbuka.. judulnya.. berbuka dengan yang manis..
dalam tulisan itu dijelaskan sedikit tentang kalimat salah yang sudah sangat dikenal yaitu,, "berbukalah dengan yang manis"..craving something sweet while you're during fasting.....
di tulisan itu dijelaskan beberapa sifat makanan yang manis2 lg sweet diantaranya memberikan energi instan dan membentuk lemak..

yang benar itu adalah..
berbukalah dengan kurma,, atau kurma kering,, atau air.. [air coke leh manis2 ngeee... :p ]
ada ajaran untuk berbuka dengan yang manis..

di sini mau komentar2 sedikit..
garagara kalimat2 salah itu,, jadi sulit menerima kenyataannya.. bahwa sebaiknya kita berbuka secara biasa2 saja.. dengan air putih..
karena kebiasaan itulah.. misalkan saja,, tiap puasa sering bikin kolak atau beli cingcau.. itu kan makanan2 yang manis..
kebiasaan2 itu sudah membentuk karakter manusia2 untuk selalu berbuka dengan makanan2 yang manis..

sampe saat ini juga belum bisa menerima sepenuhnya kalo harus berbuka dengan air putih..

garagara kebiasaan dari kecil buka puasa pake yang manis2 makanya sampe sekarang kebiasaan dan sepertinya sulit dihilangkan..

mikir2.. gimana caranya ngilangin kebiasaan berbuka dengan yang manis2 itu yah..???
dipikir2,, sejak di rumah biasanya buka dengan manis2 juga.. tapi bukan kolak atow yang biasa jadi makanan pembatal di kuching.. melainkan makanan2 yang dibeli di supermarket yang emang sudah biasa aku jadikan cemilan..

sudah adan di tb.. tapi kok belum kedengeran di mesjid sebelah yah.. .. ..

buka dulu deh..

bentar yah..

emang sih enak makan yang manis2 pas berbuka.. itu mungkin juga garagara kebiasaan.. dan mungkin karena manusia emang ditakdirkan suka dengan yang manis2.. hehe..


yang manis2 itu terasa sangat nikmat di tengah kelaparan yang melanda..
apalagi kalo hari itu panas pembatal puasanya itu dingin.. cocok sekali..
gimana yah..
emang kebiasaan yang sepertinya sulit dirubah untuk banyak orang..
berbuka dengan yang manis2..

eh.. di fb ada yang komentar..
mendingan berbuka dengan cewe manis aja.. keekekekekk..

cocok deh..
nikmat tuh sepertinya..

sudah dulu mau makan..
lapar nih..

selamat bebuke...
slamat malam eh... :]

p/s: mikir2.. gimana caranya ngilangin kebiasaan berbuka dengan coke yah @_@



dan bertanya..

andai saja sebuah kehidupan ini dimulai dengan kebohongn,,
apakah yang akan terjadi kemudian..???

lalu bagaimana dengan segala hal indah yang rasakan..???
apakah juga akan buang begitu saja..???

tinggalkan..lupakan..musnahkan..semudah itukah..??
apakah ini artinya harus mengakhiri hidup yang telah jalani..???


semuanya menjadi terbalik saat ini..
menjadi jauh lebih dipelukan dibanding dahulu..
sedangkan entah ke mana seakan tak peduli lagi..

mungkin salah tapi tidak mengapa..
kesalahanku pasti bisa maklumi..maafkan..



apa yang rasa..
ini hanyalah sebuah pelampiasan..
tidak ada yang tau apa yang terjadi..


"Tell me what you want to hear
Something that were like those years
Sick of all the insincere
So I'm gonna give all my secrets away
This time, don't need another perfect line
Don't care if critics never jump in line
I'm gonna give all my secrets away"

p/s: ama teman2 bowling Sunshine Square, Penang~~


order lepidoptera

p/s: The Seattle Times: Photos of the Day, Butterfly Farm Penang~~ :]



Dalam kekhawatiran, maka tersenyum...
Walau tak banyak yang mampu disembuhkan oleh seulas senyum....

tapi tetap tersenyum..
Senyum yang tak tahu apa artinya...
senyum yang tak tahu apa maknanya..

meski ngga sendirian maupun beramai..teman2
tapi ada yang ngajak eeeeeehh..

yaudah ikut lah..

tapi yang begini ni kadang2..

sesuatu yang berbeda pada akhir bulan ini..
seperti juga tahun lalu..
hhhmm..tidak mengerti aihh...

p/s: slamat posa~~


crazy mr. jijo

Kena lemparan dari penang nih...
Ditengah skeptiknya dengan dunia persahabatan....

Hihiihiiii....sahabat cuma istilah aja, yang penting apa yang dirasa saat ini aja,
But anyhow, kangen bener dengan orang-orang seperti keadaan dulu,bisa senang...,
kalau waktu bisa berputar kembali...mau ya!!!


lagi...dan lagi

Definition: "That is to be or come hereafter; that will exist at any time after the present; as, the next moment is future, to the present"

gak tau harus gimana ngadepin type orang seperti itu .
apa harus MARAH ?

tapi tau itu gak akan menyelesaikan semuanya ...
apa ada celah buat , supaya tetep sabar nanggepin yg selalu ajah membuat kesel...
dengan tingkah yg terkadang membuat orang orang muak berada di dekat...
mungkin sahabat bilang "sabar bgt yah!"

ya , disatu sisi selalu cuek bahkan acuh sama perkataan yg selalu buat sakit hati...
okelah , mungkin itu hal sepele .

tapi ngerasa , sampe kapan?
kata guru mmang sabar itu ada batesanya...
tapi ya biarin ajahlah .
masi banyak yg mesti pikirin ...kerjaaan lor aiyok!

p/s: jujur aja takut sama masa depan~~


jauh malam

tanpa harus ditulis lagi,,...
selalu pikirkan hal yang sama setiap hari..
walau ada yang berbeda setelah yang terahir ito.

ngga ngerti kenapa juga
tapi yang terjadi ya seperti ini
aneh2an sendiri juga
kok bisa yah..??
dan ..

bahwa begitu lemahnya
memang ngga pernah kuat..
apalah artinya orang lemah di dunia yang keras ini
bersiap2 saja tok lemah

sambil berpikir..
pikiran yang memang aku masih sering ulang.

suatu kali di masa lalu..
pikiran yang pernah lupakan..
pikiran yang tidak ingin setuju dengan pikiran itu
pikiran yang membuatku bingung sendiri
menimbulkan konflik
memang kontradiksi dengan keadaan sekarang

masa lalu yang membentuk..
tapi masa merubah..

masjid sultan salahuddin..jauh malam~~



ti catetan nih..
ga tau kapan nyatetnya..
mungkin beberapa minggu lalu..
ga ada tanggal yang ditulis.. ataupun keterangan waktu yang lain..

--------------------------------------------- >8..

ingin mempercayai..

* jika iya,, mulai..
* jika tidak,, akan memberi waktu..
waktu yang terbatas..
jika masih tidak juga,, ambil keputusan ito..

sangat percaya bahwa mampu..
seburuk apapun
dan percaya bahwa tidaklah seburuk ito..
dan akan selalu percaya bahwa selalu mempercayai..
percaya akan selalu yakin..

----------------------------------------------- >8..

jika merasa tidak nyaman..
jika pikir cukup mengganggu..
jika rasa ragu2..

------------------------------------------------ >8..

ternyata ada 2..
beneran lupa kapan nulisnya..
ketemu kemarin2.. dulu..

..mudah-mudahan, bisa jadi harmoni dalam kehidupan... :]

p/s: i-CityWalk shah alam~~

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