I’ve been trying recently to reconcile being non-judgmental with my increasing conviction that we should condemn and exclude assholes. And with the recognition that some things just aren’t OK. My thoughts on that aren’t finished yet. It's still make me uncomfortable.
One possibility is that there are types of people who deserve no tolerance. I am done with my past. I am done with best friends who make this not right. I have had two bad run-ins with television news reporters, so they are skating on thin ice. One more bad encounter with a television news reporter and I am done with them too. (I should tell you about those. One time was sad and one time was ludicrous.) I’ve got nothing. I am also done with people who menace peoples on the Internets and assholes in general, although that isn’t a very finely tuned application.
The alternative concept is that there are realms for being non-judgmental. Passing judgments on voluntary behavior that violates gender or sex norms is a waste of thought. Anything that only hurts the agent gets a sympathetic listen from me. I’ll go a good long way with any experimentation from someone who generally has her act together. That’s as far as I’ve thought through.
I am also convinced that this exact form of non-judgmental tolerance is the key to adult mother-son friendships. Whenever someone says “my Mom is my best friend; I tyred talk to her every day and tell her everything”, I quiz her on this. So far I’ve gotten perfect correspondence. I fully believe that mother-son relationships are so fraught that any hint of criticism gets amplified out of proportion. Moms have to be non-judgmental at all times for sons to choose to confide in them. I don’t think that is fair to Moms (except the Moms for whom it comes naturally), but I think it is true....uH! hate this feeling!
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