Making Mistakes, finding myself, and more mistakes

Trying looking for fiera kittenz huhu.., I messed up....again. Don't want to get into exactly what I did but it wasn't good. I go about stuff completely backwards. I guess that's why I'm always confused and don't know whether I'm coming or going. Sigh....BE YOURSELF. Two words that always go in one ear and come out the other. When i meet someone new, and become friends with them, I tend to act swishy washy, nervous and confused in the beginning. Why can't I ever just be myself? Then I won't have to worry about chasing people away. I need to get it together.

God, please help me to learn how to have conversations with people without u offending them always having to seem right and others having to make it seem like im the only one who's perfect. People make mistakes and some people do change if they can Acknowledge their flaws and LEARN from them. It isn't cute when you're making the SAME mistakes over and over again like me. You can't stab someone 10times and then say it was an accident, or apologize and hope that all will go back to the way it was. It doesn't work that way. Sometimes, "Sorry" just isn't enough. But when there is nothing left to say....Sorry is the only thing that makes sense.

Truth is, I have insecurities and major trust issues which affect my reaction to EVERYTHING! When am I going to grow up??!!! I get carried away in the moment and before I know it, I have put my foot in my mouth AGAIN! It really is the truth that you have to THINK before you speak.

Think about how you make the person feel when you're talking to them. Yesterday, my sociology Dr. made a good point. He said "in order to judge whether a relationship is a good or bad one, next time a situation occurs when one person says something to the other, that person will either A) Assume their partner didn't mean to hurt them or B) Assume their partner had every right in hurting them. If you chose A, well then you have a good relationship with your friend, parent, spouse etc.

I want to start building better relationships with people. I know there's some good in me. I just have to find it. I will find it. But at what cost? At the cost of losing yet ANOTHER friend?? Atoi!!