Pulang

Pernah kebayang kita akan jadi seperti sekarang ini? Setahun yang lalu, mungkin kita ngga pernah kebayang semua jalan yang pernah kita ambil sampai kita bisa ada di sini sekarang. Setahun yang lalu, mungkin kita ngga pernah kebayang adegan-adegan kejadian yang akan kita alami sepanjang jalan.

Kebayang kan panjangnya tali kehidupan kita. Kebayang kan jauhnya perjalanan kita selama ini. Beragam warna-warni foto kehidupan, yang dulu mungkin ngga pernah terlintas untuk terbingkai di ingatan.

Kita semua. Sendiri-sendiri. Setiap orang dari kita hidup dalam dunia kecilnya masing-masing. Mulai dari kita membuka pintu rumah, menapaki jalan, sampai kita menutup mata.

Terkadang suka bikin bingung, apa sih yang sebenernya kita cari? Mengejar mimpi dan aspirasi? Atau sekedar perjalanan panjang tanpa henti? Atau eksplorasi diri akan dunia? Sebenarnya apa sih yang lebih berharga di ujung perjalanan nanti?

Sendiri.
Jauh.
Capek.
Kosong.

Setelah semuanya, pengen rasanya pulang ke rumah. Seperti anak kecil yang telah letih jauh pergi bermain dan pulang ke rumah di sore hari. Istirahat. Tenang. Aman. Nyaman.

Pengen rasanya pulang ke kamo selamanya…

S.O.R.R.Y

Broken hearts and last goodbyes, restless nights
But lullabies helps to make this pain go away
I realize I let you down
Told you that I'd be around
I'm building up the strength just to say

I'm Sorry
For breaking all the promises that I wasn't around to keep
It's on me,
This time is the last time I will ever beg you to stay
But you're already on your way

Filled with sorrow, filled with pain
Knowing that I am to blame
For leaving your heart out in the rain
And I know you're gonna walk away
And leave me with the price to pay
Before you go I wanted to say that I'm

Can't make it alive on my own
I already told you i really cares about you long time ago
You since never to believe on me anymore
But your already on your way

Lost My Mind

i luv ur eyes
i luv ur smle
i cherish ur stayle
Wut can i say?
ur 1 of a kind n 24/7 ur on my mind! i luv u!!!

Aishiteru 愛してる~~

As for things like that, it’s already fine either way
No matter how I wish and hope
There are many unchangeable things in this world, right?
That’s right, and because only the fact of my loving you
Is the truth unchangeable by anyone

I want to overcome the thousands of nights and tell it to you..with you only..
There’s something that I must tell you
In this broad world, I can’t express the joy of encountering you with words
So we smile, sing about the vividly passing days in happy with laughing..
Turn our backs on rain, wait for the sunlight streaming through trees in cold days
And become reborn anew, so that we can protect someone

On the path we came from and our destination, when we looked back, I’d always have timid eyes
I want to face you, but I can’t be honest
I, who repeated days of not being able to straightforwardly love my partner
And hated being alone on that day
Seemed to love people while unwounded

I’ll overcome the thousands of nights and go meet you now sheep
I found one answer; that even if I’m scared
Even if I’m hurt, I can say “I love you” to the person who I love
Even if those thoughts aren’t fulfilled, I can say “I love you” to the person who I love
I scared you will run away again...leave me behind and never come back
Those i really miss you so much..this worst pain i ever have ever known..

[In]Complete

I’m your sweet taste of romance
I’m the sunshine after the rain
I’m your medicine to cure the pain
I’m the blood running through your veins

I’m the bright blue sky after the storm
I’m your blanket that keeps you warm
I’m the king in your grand palace
I’m the line of faith written on your face

I'll be anything you ever dreamed to be complete…

You were the angel when I was born
You can take me when you die
You’re the inspiration when I'm lost
You’re the wings that make me fly

You’re the score played in my show
You’re my guardian that keeps me alive
You’re the dawn to my endless night
You’re the sweet chocolate bar wrapped with delight

You’re everything I ever dreamed to be complete…

I never dreamed I’d be so complete without you.

Khas Untuk Yg Satu Maha Karya Cinta!

Begitu Berat Melangkah

Melihat Kau Bersamanya

Adakah Aku Yang Salah Atau Hanya Helah Saja

Ku Masih Mencintai Diri Kamu
Bila Kau Menjauh
Ku Rindu

Biarpun Kau Tidak Mahu
Menerima Kasih Daku
Ku Kan Setia Bersama Mu
Sehingga Ke Akhir Waktu

Ku Masih Menyayangi Diri Kamu
Bila Kau Berlalu
Ku Rindu ..

Kau Bagaikan Udara
Yang Membantu Aku Untuk Terus Hidup Diatas Dunia
Tanpa Mu Ku Lemah
Pasti Aku Tak Berdaya
Kerna Kau Maha Karya Cinta

Kau Takkan Dapat Aku Lupakan
Kerna Kaulah Punca Cinta Kita
Mengajarkan Aku Erti Bahagia
Kembalilah Semula...

Terimalah Pesan Daku Yang Akan Terus Menunggu …

What if...

What if I did that rather than did this?
What if I did what I thought was right?
What if I was right and you were wrong?
What if I was wrong for so long?

What if I don’t do anything?
What if I come up with something?
What if I listen to my heart?
What if I play the other part?

What if the sun is not coming up today?
What if the moon doesn’t want to be here tonight?
What if I walk on the wrong way?
What if I stand up and fight?

What if I talk the talk?
What if I walk the walk?
What if I turn around?
What if I go down?

What if…
What if…
So many what ifs…
What if we cut all the what ifs?

what if i meet fiera kittenz one day in someday n nowhere? i gonna be happy! then...

Hitung luka?

Sampai kapan kita menghitung jumlah luka...
Tak akan terkira besarnya duka.

Erase & Rewind

Apakah begitu menyedihkannya sebuah kenangan? Sehingga ingin dihapus dari ingatan. Apakah begitu menyakitkannya luka lama? Sehingga ingin dibuang jauh-jauh. Apakah begitu menyebalkannya seseorang yang pernah dekat di hati? sehingga tak ingin keberadaannya mengisi celah-celah otak kita.

Bersih. Tak tersisa di dalam segmen-segmen ingatan.

Ada kalanya, ingin kembali ke masa-masa menyenangkan. Sebelum orang terdekat yang dulu pernah memberi kebahagiaan, menjelma menjadi momok yang menyebalkan.

Ingin rasanya memutar ulang kehidupan. Kembali ke frame-frame adegan berisi senyuman dan keceriaan. Ingin rasanya membuang sama sekali semuanya yang pernah terucap dan tercipta. Serta memulai sesuatu yang baru, seputih kertas putih yang belum ternoda. Secerah sinar matahari pagi mengisi jiwa.

Tapi sampai ingin menghapus segala image yang tertanam dengan manis di ingatan? Sampai ingin menghapus segala sensasi yang pernah dirasa oleh hati dan jiwa serta segenap indera?

Mungkin manusia memang dilahirkan untuk selalu merasa tak puas dengan keadaan yang lama, mengejar sesuatu yang lebih baik dari sesuatu yang baru. Akan terus melakukan kesilapan itulah mahluk yang bergelar manusia.Tapi rasanya manusia juga diciptakan dengan kemampuan untuk mengobati diri sendiri dari luka lama.

Mungkin 5 tahun lagi, kita sudah bisa tertawa ketika melihat ke lembaran suram. Lembaran suram yang menjadi serpihan-serpihan kenangan yang tak lagi menyakitkan. Lucu juga jika kesebalan-kesebalan masa lalu, bisa menjadi kenikmatan ketika diingat.

Lucu kan? Idaman hati yang pernah menjelma menjadi monster hanya menjadi hiburan di ingatan kita. Kenangan-kenangan sedih hanya menjadi bahan bagi kita untuk tertawa kecil. Tanpa perlu berjalan mundur ke belakang. Tanpa perlu menghapus kenangan.

Sayang kan kalau harus menghapus lagu lama di kaset yang usang ini?
Sebab itu tidak pernah lupakan kamo sedetik pun masa berlalu...

Akhir Rasa Ini......by Samsons.

Terlarut aku
Dalam kesendirian
Saat aku menyadari
Tiada lagi dirimu kini

Sampai kapankah
Aku mampu bertahan
Tertatih aku jalani
Semua kisah hidupku ini

Chorus :
Tak akan terganti
Setiap kenangan yang telah terukir
Yang terendap indah
Dan melekat di hati

Akankah berakhir
Semua rasa yang telah tercipta
Didalam benakku
Dan didalam asa-ku.

Kangen kangen lagi....

Saya sempat kaget waktu terima sms dari seorang teman, yang secara tiba-tiba dengan santainya cerita kalo dia akan segera kawin. Begitu juga yang tertulis di blognya, “I'm GETTIN' married VERY soon! Yaiyyy!!!”. Ngga ada cerita dia lagi punya pacar, ngga ada cerita dia lagi dekat sama seseorang, tiba-tiba aja denger kabar bahagia kayak gini. Phewwww…

Menurut dia, seseorang ini hanya seseorang dia kenal di YM, kemudian ketemu, kemudian ngerasa cocok, kemudian ketemu orang tua, kemudian mutusin kawin. Sebuah pertemuan yang singkat, padat dan tentunya bahagia. Senang banget dengar temen yang punya kesempatan ngalamin kejadian bahagia kayak gini dalam hidupnya. Ngga semua orang loh punya kesempatan kayak gini.

Kebayang kan gimana rasanya? Tiba-tiba aja saya ngerasa kangen. Kangen sama perasaan-perasaan saya sendiri yang dulu pernah muncul seperti ini, tapi sayangnya sekarang ngga tau kemana perginya.

Kangen sama perasaan saya, ketika ketemu seseorang yang out-of-nowhere muncul dalam hidup.

Kangen sama perasaan saya, ketika punya seseorang yang bisa ngelengkapin hidup luar dan dalam.

Kangen sama perasaan saya, ketika hidup tiba-tiba terasa komplit.

Kangen sama perasaan saya, ketika bisa menangis saat sedang bahagia.

Kangen sama perasaan saya, ketika merasa bahagia untuk membuat seseorang bahagia.

Kangen sama perasaan saya, ketika mutusin untuk membagi hidup sama seseorang tanpa merasa ada beban.

Kangen sama perasaan saya, untuk bisa nerima seseorang tanpa harus pikir panjang.

Kangen sama perasaan saya, ketika bisa sayang seseorang tanpa perlu ada suatu alasan.

Kangen sama perasaan saya, ketika mau jalan terseret-seret ketika luka masih terasa basah.

Kangen sama perasaan saya, perasaan yang hilang entah kemana…

Ternyata sulit banget yah, bangun mimpi yang udah hancur berantakan? Ternyata sulit banget untuk munculin lagi perasaan-perasaan kayak gini? Ternyata sulit banget untuk mengingat sesuatu yang pernah dengan sedihnya terlupakan....

waaaa.....kangen banget deh...

They don’t understand

26 March...........ku semakin tua eh..
Yup, hari ini pas banget setahun!
Di tanggal yang sama, bulan yang sama.
Di kalendar berbeda yang bernama tahun lalu....


“Sayap-sayap Mungil Mengisi Langit”

Mendengar tentang cerita nasib seekor anak burung elang?
Bukan sesuatu yang mudah baginya untuk bisa terbang…
Mengikuti sang ibunda elang…
Mengarungi awan…

Ia hanya terkesima acap kali ibunda elang terbang…
Ia hanya tertatih berjalan mengikuti… untuk kemudian kembali terjatuh…

Terbayang betapa sulitnya ia bisa terbang…

Setiap detik, setiap gerak…
Selalu berusaha bergerak untuk mengepakkan sayap-sayap mungilnya…
Tak pernah berhenti bermimpi…
Berusaha untuk bisa terbang tinggi…

Sampai pada suatu hari…
Semua mimpi…
Semua usaha…
Mulai terbentuk dengan nyata…

Kini ia bisa mengepakkan sayap dengan lebarnya…
Menerjang awan…
Menembus benua…
Meninggalkan segalanya dibelakang trus ke hadapan...

Sudah lelah hati ini kejaran kamo yang punyai sayap yang lebar itu...
Di mana kamo terbang menghilang?

Jika saja…
Seandainya…

Masih ada lagi beberapa perumpamaan dan bayangan yang mengisi kepala ku hari ini. Masih banyak yang belum terucap di antara banjir kata-kata. Masih ada air mata di antara derai tangis. Masih tersisa semangat di sela-sela letih.

Iya, masih tersisa beberapa kepingan di ingatan. Bukan hanya tentang setahun yang lalu, tetapi juga setahun sebelumnya.

Sweet Sheep

Let me be your hero
Would you dance
if I asked you to panko dance?
Would you run
and never look back?
Would you cry
if you saw me crying?
And would you save my soul, tonight?

Would you tremble
if I touched your lips?
Would you laugh?
Oh please tell me this.
Now would you die
for the one you loved?
Hold me in your arms, tonight.

I can be your hero, baby.
I can kiss away the pain.
I will stand by you forever.
You can take my breath away.

Would you swear
that you'll always be mine?
Or would you lie?
would you run and hide?
Am I in too deep?
Have I lost my mind?
I don't care...
You're here tonight.

I can be your hero, baby.
I can kiss away the pain.
I will stand by your forever.
You can take my breath away.

Somewhere, over the rainbow?

Fiera kittenz where are rite now????
Somewhere, over the rainbow, way up high.
There's a land that I heard of Once in a lullaby.
Somewhere, over the rainbow, skies are blue.
And the dreams that you dare to dream
Really do come true.
Someday I'll wish upon a star and wake up where the clouds are far Behind me.
Where troubles melt like lemon drops, Away above the chimney tops.
That's where you'll find me.
Somewhere, over the rainbow, bluebirds fly. Birds fly over the rainbow,
If happy little bluebirds fly beyond the rainbow,
Why then, why can't I?

Apy BesDay sheEp!!!

Ordinary girl, it seems this ordinary world has taken hold
And you can't feel a thing anymore
Why do they, they just stand and stare

Couldn't decide what to say, so you left
And now you live it down
On this side of the city they don't get
That these shiny things will fade away
Ordinary Girl you'll find your way
it seems this ordinary world has taken hold

They will tear you down
Girl I'm going crazy, I can't get you off my mind
Seems like the only thing that I think about is you all the time
I have no words to express the way I feel about you
I've found my heart's desire girl it's you
You give me everything that I want, you give me more than I need
What's a guy to give a girl who seems to have everything
Too much time is never enough time to be spent with you..yes it's true

you always speak your mind you're one of a kind
I can see it in your eyes..

I've been around here for a while and yes I've seen some things
But nothing even comes close to the love that you bring
You know exactly who you are, you know just who you want to be
I can't believe this love is happening to me

So much fear to face to get me where I am
It's clear for me to see this was never my plan
Here we are now girl, just me and you
Loving every minute that I spend with you...

Found sleep and now I know tired

there are only whispers for you.

i hadn't been, not much.. sleeping, that is and there was no reason, or any desire to find it, rest. and so i wandered through my days and saw light, soft glow, in every little place, even the darkest. there were smiles, real ones. there were bits of time, instants where head was drawn to a pillow or any object that might suffice, but it was brief and never felt as if i'd closed my eyes, even when i knew everyone did, her thoughts spilled from moist eyes.

and then i found it, again.. slept hours, for hours and now i know tired. now i know the feeling of utter exhaustion. now i know the sleep that forces tears at smile across unattainable lips. now, there is too much, and she said, i just want it forever. sometimes, i don't want to wake up.
I am the one who stood beside you and smiled as we embarked upon our love. I am the one who stood beside you, comforting you as you wept for it all, smiling to see the passion and emotion in your eyes. I am the one who stood beside you as we ran away in our dreamland, smiling in contentment. I am the one who stood beside you, weeping, as we grew apart in our minds.

I am the one who laughing beside you, that last time, and though we both knew it for an ending, still I smiled because I was glad that it had happened at all. I am the one who was jealous of him, don't know dint i? though I smiled ironically at myself, for you had always been so jealous of my female friends. I am the one who stood by when the two of you got together, and I was happy, because I wanted you to be happy sheep.

I am the one who stood beside you and smiled forever...

A white chemistry coat...is still missing!

Spending all my nights, all my money going out on the town doing anything just to get you off of my mind...
But when the morning comes, Im right back where I started again to trying to forget you is just a waste of time.

Its ok to be stubborn, any kind of fool could see there was something in everything about you,
Its ok getting mad, you can blame it all on me I was wrong, and I just can't live without you,
All day long, wearing a mask of false and guilty to trying to keep up the smile that hides a tear but as the sun, goes down, I get that empty feeling again how I wish to God that you were here.

Sheep where are you now? any kind of fool could see there was something in everything about you,
Now that I put it all together give me the chance to make you see have you used up all the love in your heart.
Nothing left for me, ain't there nothing left for me....

Kangen banget 25 & 26

apa sih yang bisa kita lakukan ketika kita lagi kangen banget sama orang itu berada jauh banget dari kita, yg mustahil mau pulang..uda hilang buat selamanya..

itu pertanyaan besar yang sampe sekarang sulit banget untuk dijawab sama siapapun kayanya yah….

refer to my latest post…gara2 itu aku jadi sangat menginginkan sheep ada disini sekarang…tapi ga mungkin dan aku ga pengen terus2an ngomong ke dia kalo aku pengen dia ada disini ketika aku ulang taun nggak lame lg tanggal 26 dan dia 25, ketika sekarang ini aku lagi ingin dia disampingku…merayakan ulang taun bareng2 lagi….aku ga pengen ngebebanin dia dan kalo aku malah ngomong itu ke ikun dia lebih tersiksa lagi disana….hiks….aku lelaki yg jahat deh..

itulah resiko…awalnya dahulu ketika kuliah setiap hari selalu bareng kemana2 berdua, makan siang, makan malem,,orang mah pada bosen kalo terus2an bareng, kalo aku sama ikun malah kemana2 berdua terus ga ada bosen2nya,happy sgt….trus akhirnya nggak ketemu , sekali karena aku bakal pulang ke kuching, 3 minggu lagi aku lagi sibuk ngurusin kerja kuliah ku disini, ku nggak punya masa byk lg, benar2 nggak byk...masi belum musnah semua rasa yang kucipta, hikkksssss….

waduuhh sheep apaan harus ku kerjakan lagi, g mana mau kamo bisa tenang..kamo dimana uda?

Gak terasa udah 1 tahun kuliahku hancur, jarang masuk kuliah, jarang masuk praktikum, ujian adus... Dateng ke kampus seakan akan melihat dunia baru lagi, kikuk rasanya bosan..ahh kangen aku, kangen berkumpul bersama dengan teman teman, berperang pendapat....
, tapi aku cuma ingin lulus, aku juga gak mau cepet cepet lulus, yang jelas aku bakal tertinggal 3 minggu aja.. dari temen temen yang bisa lulus dengan waktu standar..damn

Semoga waktu yg pendek ini bisa kuliah dengan sedikit serius, bisa lebih manage waktu, bisa lebih teratur dalam kehidupan. amin.

SweEt sheEp

This goes out to someone that was, once the most important person in my life.
I didn’t realize it at the time I can’t forgive myself for the way I treated you so... this time I think I'm to blame it's harder to get through the days,
I don’t really expect you to either It’s just... I don’t even know..

You’re the one that I want, the one that I need, the one that I gotta have just to succeed,
When I first saw you, I knew it was real I’m sorry about the pain I made you feel..
That wasn’t me, let me show you the way I looked for the sun, but it’s raining today.
I remember when I first looked into your eyes it was like God was there, heaven in the skies...

I wore a disguise 'cause I didn’t want to get hurt but I didn’t know I made everything worse. You told me we were crazy in love but you didn’t care when push came to shove,
If you loved me as much as you said you did then you wouldn’t have hurt me like I ain’t shit,
Now you pushed me away like you never even knew me I loved you with my heart, really and truly....

I guess you forgot about the times that we shared when spent good time together, we're laughing, smile all the time, late nights, just holding you in my arms I don’t know how I could do you so wrong..
I really wanna show you I really need to hold you I really wanna know you like no one could else know you you’re number one, always in my heart and now I can’t believe that our love is torn apart...

I need you and I miss you and I want you and I love you cause I wanna hold you, I wanna smile with you, You were my everything and I really miss you....
I knew you gonna sit and play this with your new man and then sit and laugh as you’re..The thought of that just shatters my heart, it breaks in my soul and it tears me apart..

At times we was off I was scared to show you now I wanna hold you until I can’t hold you...
Without you, everything seems strange your name is forever planted in my brain...
Damn it, I’m insane, take away the pain take away the hurt..sheep, we can make it work...

What about when you looked into my eyes told me you loved me as you would hugged me..
I guess everything you said was a lie I think about it, it brings tears to my eyes, now I’m not even a thought in your mind I can see clearly, my love is not blind...

I just wish everything could have turned out differently I had a special feeling about you
I thought maybe you did too, you would understand, but…No matter what, you’ll always be in my heart..You’ll always be my special one..
Our first day, it seemed so magical, I remember all the time that I had with you
Remember when we first hanging out? You looked like an angel wearing that blouse....

We hit it off, I knew it was real but now I can’t take all the pain that I feel,
Reach in your heart, I know I’m still there I don’t wanna hear that you no longer care...
Remember the times? Remember when we laugh together? I didn’t think you would ever do me like this..
I didn’t think you’d wanna see me depressed I thought you’d be there for me, this I confess
You said you were my best friend, was that a lie? Now I’m nothing to you, you’re with another guy I tried, I tried, I tried, and I’m trying now on the inside it feels like I’m dying... and I just wanted to say I'm sorry to hurting you, cause I don't know what else I can do to we just start over again...

And I do miss you I just thought we were meant to be I guess now, we’ll never know the only thing I want is for you to be happy whether it be with me, or without me I just want you to be happy ofcause i want you to happy....and so it ends?

How stupid could i be?

Funny how the years,they just pass us by seems like yesterday, you were in my life you always wanted to start a new happy life, I was way too young, I was runnin' free, playing around....
If you could only see me now, you'd realise I'm not the one who made you cry you gave yourself,
I didn't see it You died in me, I should have saved you Wish you were here with me..

I thought i knew it all, how stupid could i be I think of what i had, And it makes me weep..
Sometimes,You hurt the ones who love you most a and sometimes, you hold the ones who leave you lost..
And sometimes you learn, but it's too late, It's too late You gave yourself and either me,

Why was i too blind to see wish you were here with me...

Since the raining heavily outside, like tears from your eyes,there's no reason recalling,
The pain you felt inside, and I know you're feeling like,
And I know you're wondering, why you should stay, why you should stay you feel that change is coming, but you're so afraid inside, I know your hearts been broken,
Oh way too many times, and i know you're feeling like,
You should run away, run away.....
since i still blind to see it once more....
falling in love with person that i never meet...

You can take my heart very close to your heart

You can take my heart for a walk on the beach
You can take my heart for a little trip
You can take my heart very close to your heart
You can take my heart forever if you like
But not every heart belongs to any other

You and I, you and I are meant to be
I'm the one for you, you are the one for me
You love me as much as I do
When your look at me and we're skin to skin
I want you so
Please come in
and you love me more and more?
And my love grows up with you
and you kiss me more and more?
And I kiss you too
And I kiss you too
If I take your heart, I will cherish it everyday
If I take your heart, I will heal these old wounds
If I take your heart, it's to make it happy
If I take your heart, it's forever close to mine

I don't care, I don't care if I might been carried away
If you swear, if you swear to give me your heart in return
I don't care, I don't care if I might been carried away
If you swear, if you swear to give me your heart in return
To give me your heart in return

Ape lo? maramaramara itu aja....

itu itu aja...kembali lagi perasaan ini muncul...setelah beberapa waktu yang tidak sangat lama aku mencoba untuk menyingkirkannya, kayaknya bagei orang hilang ank, da pusing pala ku, sementara aku mencoba menghadapi ketakutan yang sedang aku temui. Terus ku sedih, keliru, kecewa dengan diri sendiri..saat ini kepalaku penuh dengan pemikiran yang negatif, pesimis, dan apapun itulah yang hanya bisa membuat aku semakin takut menghadapi kenyataan. Tapi, kenyataannya aku bukan siapa-siapa...Kayaknya setiap masalah pasti ada jalan keluar dan di setiap ada jalan keluar selalu ada jalan lain, ya.. jalan pelarian, jalan ngak da penghabisannya..Lari dari masalah memang nggak akan menyelesaikan, tapi justru hanya akan menghalangi semua hal yang akan aku lakukan ke depannya, sendirian nggak dpat tentukan sikap ini..

Aku akui benar, sekarang puncaknya. Terlalu banyak aku menutup-nutupi masalah, cenderung memilih untuk melupakannya sebentar dan pada akhirnya aku yang kerepotan. Waktuku sudah tidak banyak lagi disini, benar-benar tidak banyak, aku masih belum jera di hajar dengan permasalahan-permasalahan yang cukup berat untuk anak seumuranku. Dan disaat waktunya tinggal sedikit, aku kebingungan menghadapinya. Aku benci! Sungguh, aku malu dengan diriku sekarang ini..nggak da kata-kata yang bisa ungkapkan. Apalagi yang bisa aku lakukan? masalah aku emang ga bisa ngerasain semua itu, kalian. maaf jika aku ada tanpa bisa menyumbang kata..

Aku selalu punya kata untuk memberi alasan, aku selalu punya kata untuk membuatmu sedikit tenang..
walau sedikit, itu sudah cukup untuk mengisi hari kita bukan?
kita semua sama,nggak da beda? , punya masalah dan selalu dipeluk masalah.. karena kita manusia yang masih punya akal! kamu punya masalah, aku juga punya
tapi apa langkah kita untuk membuka jalan keluarnya?
walaupun kita belum menemukannya, tapi pasti selalu ada bukan?
fahamilah diri kita sendiri dulu, baru coba fahami diri orang lain
kita makin jauhan..kalu aku dpt kerjarin masalah, enak kn hidup ini..
pandangilah cermin kalo perlu, agar kita tau.. hidup kita ini sebentar!
ngomol2 apa aja aku pagi ini hurmm...

Worst is yet to come

I didn’t mean to yell but sometimes I get beside myself and lost, I didn’t mean to rush you but time keeps pushing so much. Time keeps pushing so much your eyes stare at me in the dark
and I hope those eyes don’t steal my freedom. My freedom, If I didn’t give it all when I stood you made me crawl and if you never heard the stories. Then I could still hide down behind the wall, then I could still hide down behind the wall forever.

It starts with one thing, I don’t know why It doesn’t even matter how hard you try keep that in mind I designed this rhyme. To explain in due time all I know, time is a valuable thing watch it fly by as the pendulum swings, watch it count down to the end of the day...

The clock ticks life away, It’s so unreal. Didn’t look out below watch the time go right out the window. Trying to hold on but didn’t even know. Wasted it all just to...Watch you go...

I kept everything inside and even though I tried, it all fell apart. What it meant to me will, eventually, be a memory, of a time when I tried so hard...
And got so far but in the end It doesn't even matter I had to fall to lose it all...

To remind myself how, I tried so hard...In spite of the way you were mocking me. Acting like I was part of your property remembering all the times you fought with me. I’m surprised it got so far. Things aren’t the way they were before you wouldn’t even recognize me anymore. Not that you knew me back then but it all comes back to me.

And got so far but in the end it doesn’t even matter I had to fall no longer...I've put my trust in youvpushed as far as I can go for all this. There’s only one thing you should know...

swallowing my pride never easy

'PRIDE' Let me stop you there before you think of anything else. I am the type of person who regards of himself highly. It's not being conceited. There's a line between being arrogant and giving yourself self-importance. Although I admit that line is thin but I think I know where i stand and not to cross over to the cocky, jackass side. It's just who I am. So believe me when I say it is incredibly tough for me to take the first move, for me to say something first or to put myself out in the open. But sometimes it's not pride anymore that stops you from doing things that you may think is silly or might end up badly. Pride becomes merely a shield. It's just a guard or defense. Pride means having to say NO because you just don't want it. But there are things that you want so badly but you're just afraid to reach out for it. I guess that's what they call cowardice.

SO what does one do when you want something badly but can't make that first step towards it? Their strategy is to hide behind their "pride". Pretend they don't want it. Pretend it doesn;t matter they're hurting so much because of it. They ignore it. "Ignorance is bliss," so they say. They act happy, feeding their thoughts with "I'm better of without it her," whatever it is.

Love and Pride does not mix. That's why there's such a saying as "Love Humbly". You can't not swallow your pride when you're in love. In most relationships, when there comes a big fight, one has to humbly swallow their pride to admit that it's their fault even when it's not. And that is very hard foe me to do. This must explain why I'm felt really jerk right now. If you give in your pride so easily then that's called desperation. If you wait too long, it would slip away and dissipate.

I can swallow my pride because of love, is not an easy way me to do that believe me, it's not easy... to sheep is totally different, i don't care and doesn't matter either to love you once more time, im still thinking of you...
Then how do you know when's the right time to swallow...your pride?

Jangan Terlalu Mencari Kesempurnaan

Trimaksh misya sb emailkn artikel ni...tsentuh ati kecilku hurm...

Jika kamu memancing ikan....
Setelah ikan itu terlekat di mata kail,
hendaklah kamu mengambil ikan itu....

Janganlah sesekali kamu LEPASKAN ia
semula ke dalam air begitu saja....
Kerana ia akan SAKIT oleh kerana bisanya
ketajaman mata kailmu dan mungkin ia akan MENDERITA selagi ia masih hidup.

Begitulah juga ........

Setelah kamu memberi banyak PENGHARAPAN
kepada seseorang...
Setelah ia mulai MENYAYANGIMU hendaklah kamu MENJAGA hatinya....
Janganlah sesekali kamu meninggalkannya begitu saja....

Kerana dia akan TERLUKA oleh kenangan bersamamu
dan mungkin TIDAK dapat MELUPAKAN segalanya selagi dia mengingatmu. ...

Jika kamu menadah air biarlah berpada,
jangan terlalu mengharap pada takungannya dan janganlah menganggap ia begitu teguh....
cukuplah sekadar KEPERLUANmu. ..
Apabila sekali ia retak.... tentu sukar untuk kamu menampalnya semula.... Akhirnya ia dibuang....

Sedangkan jika kamu cuba memperbaikinya mungkin ia masih dapat dipergunakan lagi....
Begitu juga jika kamu memiliki seseorang,
TERIMALAH seadanya....
Janganlah kamu terlalu mengaguminya dan janganlah kamu menganggapnya begitu ISTIMEWA....

Anggaplah dia manusia biasa. Apabila sekali dia melakukan KESILAPAN bukan mudah bagi kamu untuk menerimanya. ...
akhirnya kamu KECEWA dan meninggalkannya.

Sedangkan jika kamu MEMAAFKANNYA boleh jadi hubungan kamu akan TERUS hingga ke akhirnya....

Jika kamu telah memiliki sepinggan nasi...
yang kamu pasti baik untuk dirimu.
Mengenyangkan. Berkhasiat.
Mengapa kamu berlengah,
cuba mencari makanan yang lain..
Terlalu ingin mengejar kelazatan.
Kelak, nasi itu akan basi dan kamu tidak boleh memakannya. Kamu akan MENYESAL.

Begitu juga jika kamu telah bertemu dengan seorang insan.....yang pasti membawa KEBAIKAN kepada dirimu.

MENYAYANGIMU. .. MENGASIHIMU. ..
Mengapa kamu berlengah,
cuba MEMBANDINGKANNYA dengan yang lain.
Terlalu mengejar KESEMPURNAAN.
Kelak, kamu akan KEHILANGANNYA apabila dia menjadi milik orang lain..
Kamu juga yang akan MENYESAL...

Ku suka lagu I Will Survive

Ku suka lagu I Will Survive, apalagi ketika ku hidup without you by myself..
After so many nights dengerin i will survive song, I think i’m wrong, please come back dong,

Kamo datang from the outer lab, dengan baju chemistry kamo membuatku impress, you have that sweet funny look and i look funny too..kita happy..kita happy ka?

Tapi kau pergi walk out the door, tinggalkan diriku yg sedang belajar ngebor...
Gak permisi gak bilang yuk dadah yuk bye bye, ku jadi crumble kehilangan stumble..

Yes i know, i will not survive, tanpa dirimu di sisiku i won’t stay light and i don’t have a lot to live, a lot to give..I will not survive, i will not survive...

Ku mencoba tuk bertahan menghibur diriku dng banya makan dan jalan2, I spend so many nights di berbagai restauran tapi ternyata tidak mempan..

If you see me with nobody new, cause i’m not little person still in love with you sheep, you know..
Teman2 ku nyuruhku cari aja pacar yg baru, ngak ingin ku mencoba mencari penggantimu..
Tapi nggak ada yg ku terlintas, nggak sama sepertimu..krn kamo karen banget bisa buat ku tersenyom slalu...without you each days i soo paralysed,
kangen banget sama kamo lur

One truth always stays the same..you're still you fiera

Through the darkness ..I can see your light and you will always shine. I can feel your heart in mine
your face I've memorized I idolize just you I look up to everything you are in my eyes you do no wrong...

I've loved you for so long and after all is said and done you're still you after all
you're still you...that think its really fine to me..

You walk past me and i can feel your pain with time changes everything, one truth always stays the same,
I look up to everything you are in my eyes you do no wrong and I believe in you
although you never asked me to I will remember you and what life put you through

And in this cruel and lonely world......
I found one love you're still you...after all you're still you...looking everywhere you're go fiera...

Fly me up to where you are

Who can say for certain..Maybe you're still here, I feel you all around me, your memory's so clear, deep in the stillness..I can hear you speak, you're still an inspiration..Can it be?
That you are mine..forever love and you are watching over me from there..
Fly me up to where you are..beyond the distant star..I wish upon tonight to see you smile again..If only for awhile to know you're there, a breath away's not far to where you are...
Are you gently sleeping here inside my dream and isn't faith believing all power can't be seen.
As my heart holds you just one beat away I cherish all you gave me everyday and I believe that angels breathe that love will live on and never leave...

I Dont Want to Miss a Thing

Aerosmith- I Dont Want to Miss a Thing

I could stay awake just to hear you breathing
Watch you smile while you are sleeping
While youre far away dreaming
I could spend my life in this sweet surrender
I could stay lost in this moment forever
Every moment spent with you is a moment I treasure

Dont want to close my eyes
I dont want to fall asleep
Cause Id miss you baby
And I dont want to miss a thing
Cause even when I dream of you
The sweetest dream will never do
Id still miss you baby
And I dont want to miss a thing

Lying close to you feeling your heart beating
And Im wondering what youre dreaming
Wondering if its me youre seeing
Then I kiss your eyes
And thank God were together
I just want to stay with you in this moment forever
Forever and ever

Dont want to close my eyes
I dont want to fall asleep
Cause Id miss you baby
And I dont want to miss a thing
Cause even when I dream of you
The sweetest dream will never do
Id still miss you baby
And I dont want to miss a thing

I dont want to miss one smile
I dont want to miss one kiss
I just want to be with you
Right here with you, just like this
I just want to hold you close
Feel your heart so close to mine
And just stay here in this moment
For all the rest of time

Dont want to close my eyes
I dont want to fall asleep
Cause Id miss you baby
And I dont want to miss a thing
Cause even when I dream of you
The sweetest dream will never do
Id still miss you baby
And I dont want to miss a thing

Dont want to close my eyes
I dont want to fall asleep
I dont want to miss a thing....

This is aerosmiths greatest song that they have ever made,
this song is amazing to me because it reminds of sheep. This song has so much meaning to it. I may not sing very well but I don't give a danm when I get a sheep this will be the first song that I will sing to her. And probibly the only song that she will let me sing. And after I sing it to her I will tell her how much I love her and how much she means to me.

You're all that I've got

I'm so tired of being here...suppressed by all my childish fears and if you have to leave, I wish that you would just leave, cause your presence still lingers here, and it won't leave me alone. These wounds won't seem to heal, this pain is just too real, there's just too much that time cannot erase.When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears,when you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears and I held your hand through all of these years. But you still have...all of me. You used to captivate me by your resonating light,
now I'm bound by the life you left behind. Your face it haunts my once pleasant dreams...your voice has chased away all the sanity in me.

I've been alone all along. I am a little bit of loneliness a little bit of disregard handful of complaints but I can’t help the fact that everyone can see these scars that i make it. I'm lonely. People don't care, I have so many complaints, but everyone can see that I'm emo, so they don't listen. I am what I want you to want what I want you to feel but it's like no matter what I do, I can't convince you, to just believe this is real I have created a fantasy world, in which you loved me back. But, it's not real just in my imagination, and never will be, no matter how hard I try. So I let go, watching you, turn your back like you always do..wuuwu :'(''

Face away and pretend that I'm not But I'll be here cause you're all that I got" So, I just gave up on you, I watched you turn your back like everyone else in my life ..ignored me... but, you're all that I've got, so I'll just...be here...come talk to me...This is a cry for help. The chorus is self-explanatory, as well. I am a little bit insecure a little unconfident
Cause you don't understand I do what I can but sometimes I don't make
sense I'm insecure, and unconfident because of my past. You don't understand, I have had a bad past, and I try to do what I can to get over it, but I still have personality disorders and such... I am what you never wanna say but I've never had a doubt
It's like no matter what I do I can't convince you for once just to hear me out. The tone of the voice here in the final two lines above, mean a lot to me. Her sounds like she crying, this happens all too often.
The rest just repeats itself...


# today 13 is Fish birthday...hurm happy birthday!

I missed you and things weren't the same

Haven't slept at all in days, it's been so long since we've talked and I have been stuck into this longer enough, many times I just don't know what I'm doing wrong ATOiii! I had a lot to say was thinking on my time away what should i said... I missed you and things weren't the same. Cause everything inside it never comes out right and when I see you cry it makes me want to die..i become sorrow too.

I'm sorry I'm bad, I'm sorry you're blue, I'm sorry about all the things I has done with this stupidity to you and I know I can't take it back, I felt that same ways like before..I love all your sounds, and sheep the way you make my world go round and I just wanted to say I'm sorry...This time I think I'm to blame it's harder to get through the days, You get older and blame turns to shame every single day I think about how we came all this way.

The sleepless nights and the tears you cried it's never too late to make it right, perhaps. There's only so much I can take And I just got to let it go and who knows I might feel better if I don't try and I don't hope. Maybe there's nothing more to say and in a funny way I'm calm because the power is not mine. I'm just gonna let it fly, yup im not a perfect person either. There's many things I wish I didn't do, but I continue learning each days why i hurting you so badly...I never meant to do those things to you and so I have to say before I go. That I just want you to know I've found a reason for me to change who I used to be.
A reason to start over new and the reason is you. I'm sorry that I hurt you. It's something I must live with everyday and all the pain I put you through I wish that I could take it all away and be the one who catches all your tears. Thats why I need you to hear....fiera

al0nE iN tHe daRk looKING soMethiNg loSt PART 3

I wish i can let it go..Push it all AWAY

I woke up in a dream today...with some little motivate inside myself, was cold morning today to the cold of the static and put my cold feet on the floor wish forgot all about yesterday...it's hunting each days lur...uh! Remembering I'm pretending to be where I'm not anymore a little taste of hypocrisy and I'm left in the wake of the mistake, slow to react even though you're so close to me.... You're still so distant, but why? and I can't bring you back It's true the way I feel was promised by your face, the sound of your voice painted on my memories all the time..my life really suck without you! Even if you're not with me I'm with you perhaps, keeping everything inside even when I close my eyes I hit you and you hit me back ....i dont no who gonna to truth, either myself with you...

We fall to the floor, the rest of the day stands still fine line between this and that when things go wrong I pretend the past isn't real now I'm trapped in this memory No, no..no.. matter how far we've come I can't wait to see tomorrow..No matter how far we have come I cant wait to see tomorrow with you I dreamed I was missing you, were so scared lur hurm..still blurry those what happen actually. But no one would listen, Cause no one else cared.

After my dreaming I woke with this fear, what am I leaving when I'm done here. So if you're asking me I want you to know. When my time comes forget the wrong that I've done. Help me leave behind some reasons to be missed.

Don't resent me and when you're feeling empty. Keep me in your memory....
Leave out all the rest. Don't be afraid...I've taking my beating I've shared what I've made, I'm strong on the surface but inside damnit! No bodyknows! Not all the way through..I've never been perfect, but neither have you..So if you're asking me I want you to know..Forgetting all the hurt inside you learned to hide so well pretending someone else can come and save me from myself, I can't be who you are.

a little bit of hell

Thrs so many times Ive let u down So many times Ive played around I tell u now, thy dont mean a thing Every place I go, I'll think of u Every song I sing, I'll sing for u when I come back want make u big smile again.., because u always in my mind...

when my heart melts

It's been the longest days without you, who's to say for certain maybe you're still here..I feel you all around me..always be like this for sure, your memory's so clear, I didn't know where to turn to, didn't know what to do? see somehow I can't forget you, after all that we've been through.... I wish upon tonight to see you smile now I realize that I really didn't know If you didn't notice you mean everything to me for sure! But something happened for the very first time with you my heart melts into the ground found something true and everyone's looking round thinking I'm going crazy but I don't care what they say i'm still in love with you, they try to pull me away..but they don't know the truth my heart's crippled by the vein that I keep on closing, You cut me open and I Thought I couldn't live without you, some how you got too stubborn, It's gonna hurt when it heals too It'll all get wrong way to fix on. i am strong, when I am on your shoulders and even though I really love sheep I'm gonna smile cause I deserve to It'll all get better this way I couldn't turn on anythings without something there to remind me, Was it all that easy to just put aside your feelings If I'm dreaming don't wanna laugh hurt my feelings but that's the path I believe in and I know that time will heal it If you didn't notice atoi.... you meant everything quickly I'm learning to love again all know is I'm gonna be Ok, time since there's no more you and me. It's time I let you go long time ago, but i cant..didn't know how to leave sheep..uh! So I can be free and live my life how it should be no matter how hard it is I'll be fine without you, When I am down and, oh my soul, so weary, when troubles come and my heart burdened be,Then, I am still and wait here in the silence, until you come and sit awhile with me again. But nothing's greater than the risk that comes with your embrace and in this world of loneliness without you, yet everyone around me,thinks that I'm going crazy, maybe maybe maybe....sob sob..